


150th Review Request Oneshot

by xxarrowwolfxx



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Court turned toddlers, Feyre's a tired lady, Gen, Humor, request
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21612436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxarrowwolfxx/pseuds/xxarrowwolfxx
Summary: Prompt:"Amren does a spell wrong and Azriel, Cassian, Mor and Rhys become six years old with no memories up until that point. Amren herself turns 15, she remembers but still acts like a teenager. And so she and Feyre have to figure out how to get them all back to normal. Mor and Rhys both have a crush on Feyre."Okay so I took a little artist liberty on this and made them toddlers and included Elain and Nesta instead. Hope you all enjoy!
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	150th Review Request Oneshot

Autumn had happily draped itself over Velaris, turning the soft green leaves to crisp shades of yellow and orange, the season brushing the city with the sweet, sharp scent of the approaching winter winds. High and lesser fae alike strolled through the streets, laughing and chattering as leaves crunched beneath their feet. The late afternoon sun cast the buildings in a rich, buttery hue as shoppers and sellers called out to each other, enjoying the last of the warm rays.

There had been a time when I’d hated the fall, fearful of the hardship the approaching winter would bring and the cold, desolate nights of uncertainty that had haunted my every footstep. Yet now I looked forward to it, longing for the gem-toned colors the season gave that lent themselves well to my artists mind.

Which is why I’d spent the better part of the evening shopping in the Rainbow with Elain, looking for a new umber and gold pigment to add to my ever-growing collection of paints. My sister had joined for the company and as an excuse to stroll through the lovely, packed streets of our home.

We’d been at it for hours, laughing and browsing the many wares the artists’ quarter harbored. And now, with the new paints tucked safely under my arm, we meandered lazily toward the Riverside Estate, back home to join our family for dinner.

“I do hope Nuala and Cerridwen decided to make that cake,” Elain hummed happily as she strolled beside me, soil-toned eyes bright and her arms wrapped around her middle as she took in the changing trees. “I’ve been wanting to try Nuala’s newest recipe.”

At the mention of baked goods my stomach grumbled loudly in agreement. I huffed a laugh.

“I’m certain whatever they’ve made will be delicious.” The half-wraiths were among the greatest cooks I’d ever known, and I had grown quite fond of their fare. “That is, if the Illyrian babies haven’t eaten all of it before we get there.”

“That is certainly a possibility.”

I’d heard little from my mate that afternoon, an oddity but not so strange as to warrant alarm. He and our brothers had been hard at work trying to train the females in the Steppes, leaving them with little free time and even larger appetites that usual.

Knowing that, it honestly would have come as no surprise if they’d started without us, even if they usually had the courtesy to wait. The thought had me increasing my pace as I moved down the cobblestone road to our home, Elain keeping step easily at my side, eager to return to see our family and enjoy dinner.

It wasn’t long before we ascended the stairs to the house, my gloved fingers turning the knob of the front door to let us in. I held the door open for my sister as I shuffled inside, looking around for my mate who was surely home by now, calling down the bond in greeting.

I received no response. 

The house was unusually silent, the ticking of the clock on the wall the only sound echoing through the foyer. I shared a look of confusion with my sister, expecting to have heard voices and laughter floating to us from the dining room.

I tugged on the bond once again, more forcefully this time. Perhaps they’d yet to return home, it was still early in the evening and it was possible they’d been held over with training—

It was a crash and the high-pitched squealing of children I heard first, the sound so foreign to my ears that I stopped entirely and stared up the stairs towards the source of the noise before looking at my sister in confusion.

Had Rhys or one of the others brought guests? Surely they would have mentioned it.

A second, more prominent crash followed the first, this time accompanied by the shattering of glass and the harsh swearing of a female voice that cascaded down the stairs.

“I swear by all the power of the land if you little shits do not cease your nonsense this instant—”

“Was that . . . Amren?” Elain inquired as she sat her bag down, lovely brows knitted in the center of her forehead. The voice had certainly sounded like hers, even if it seemed a bit . . . off. I tried to hide the flinch at the thought of someone being foolish enough to let their children run freely and unattended around the ancient female.

Thudding began as the squealing grew louder along with the cursing. I set down my paint by the door, growing more confused by the second.

I was about to take off up the stairs to see what the ruckus was when the thumping increased, and three small, giggling, naked bodies appeared at the top of the stairs, sprinting as quickly as their little feet could carry them away from what was definitely a snarling Amren.

The children, who looked uncannily like my mate, Mor, and Cassian but were seemingly no older than four, flew down the stairs and bolted straight for Elain and I, their little mouths pulled back in wide grins.

“Get back here _now_! I don’t have the time to chase you around—" Amren appeared at the top of the stairs, her hands curled into fists at her sides as she strode down the steps, looking for all the world like she might murder the tiny fae racing towards me.

“Amren’s mad,” the one who looked just like Mor cried in delight, her blonde ringlets wild about her head as she and the little boy with violet eyes skidded to a stop at my feet, nearly knocking me down. “Save us!”

“Dumb lady,” the other little boy who’d barreled into Elain grumbled, his button nose scrunching as he dove behind my sister’s dress, his hazel eyes narrowing dangerously at the tiny woman stomping down the stairs. “She’s mean.”

“And ugly!” The boy clinging to my leg laughed, tiny black wings protruding from his back. He looked up at me and smiled, violet eyes twinkling just like my mate’s. “But you’re not! You’re really pretty!”

The scent from the child hit my nose, the same citrus and sea scent that I would know anywhere. The boy didn’t just look like Rhys, the boy _was_ Rhys--  
  
The world around me froze, coming to a terrible, screeching halt.

What in the Mother’s name was going on?

“There you are,” Amren growled, stepping onto the landing, her black hair brushing her shoulders as she strode towards me, slate grey clothes hanging off her body in odd angles. “Quick, grab them and take them back upstairs so I can figure out to undo this.”

Looking more closely at my Second I had to keep my mouth from dropping open as I realized she was very slightly smaller than before, and her face more . . . childlike, as though she’d somehow reversed in age.

The fury in her eyes was anything but childish, however. I could feel Elain gaping beside me as Cassian continued to run circles around her legs, giggling and nearly tripping on her gown.

“What happened?” I asked, somewhat dumbstruck as Mor and Rhys darted behind me, blowing raspberries as they taunted Amren from behind my legs. The tiny woman snarled her frustration as she pointed an accusing finger at my mate and Third.

“ _They_ happened! Damned spell backfired when they winnowed into the house and completely threw off the balance of energy, reverting them and me into these forms.” Her blood-red lips thinned, her face blotchy with agitation.

“What spell?” I watched as Elain tried and failed to get a grip on the flailing Cassian, his nimble little naked body expertly avoiding my sister’s attempts at catching him.

. . . Why were they _naked_?

“The reversal spell, the one to try and get my powers back.” A cranky, almost whining hiss came out of Amren, the sound so unlike her that I felt a brow rising in question. “Just grab them, we need to reverse this immediately—"

“Where’s Azriel?” Elain inquired, still trying to catch Cassian’s little arm to hold him in place, “Maybe he can help us figure this out.”

“Az hid in the box!” Mor sang with a cackle, her high, trilling voice shrill as she crept from behind my legs and stuck her tongue out at Amren. “He didn’t want to play tag with us.”

So that ruled out any help from the spymaster, I realized with a growing sense of horror, meaning he’d been changed into a child as well and was apparently hidden in some box--

“Ninny! Ninny! Ninny!” Cassian cried as he continued to loop around Elain’s skirt before his foot caught and he went tumbling forward with a crash, landing painfully against the wooden floor. I half expected him to scream but instead he rolled over giggling helplessly. “Again! Again!”

Elain flushed up to her ears and quickly averted her gaze. “Can we _please_ find them some clothes?”

I blinked. It seemed likely they’d lost their clothes when they had shrunk in size. I peeled my jacket off and quickly wrapped Mor in it, her blonde curls entangling with the fur collar.

Elain followed my lead and immediately enfolded Cassian in her own coat, despite his muffled protests.

Mor smiled toothily up at me.

“You _are_ pretty!” She reached forward and patted my cheeks gently. “I’m marry you.”  
  
“Nuh uh!” Rhys snapped behind me, his little arms crossing over his chest as he cheeks flushed red in annoyance. “Feyre is going to marry _me_!”

“No, me!”

“Me!”

“Stupid face!”

“Big nose!”

“Dumb boy!”

“Stupid girl!”

“I got her jacket!”

They lunged for each other and it took all my dexterity and speed to keep them from crashing together. The two were still slapping at one another as I pulled them apart.

“Please stop,” I said, still in disbelief at what exactly was happening before my eyes. What kind of spell had Amren attempted that would have caused something like this? And how in the Mother’s name were we going to reverse this?

I half wondered where Nuala and Cerridwen were, fearful that they’d been reverted to tiny toddlers as well.

“Tell her!” Rhys insisted, violet eyes beginning to brim with tears, “Tell her you’ll marry me, not her!” Not that there was any sense in telling him we were already married and mated.

“Why don’t we find you some clothes?” I asked, letting Mor go and turning to my tiny mate, whose black hair flew in all directions. Had the situation not been so dire I would have been in awe of how cute he was.

Sniffling, he nodded and offered his arms upwards, allowing me to pick him up. Tucking him safely under an arm, I offered a hand out to Mor, which she didn’t take. Looking down, I noticed she was no longer there, having scampered off while I’d placated my mate.

Where the hell had she gone now?

“See? She’d be a bad wife!” Rhys buried his face into my shoulder. “Marry me instead. I listen.” I groaned. I needed help, needed someone to help me wrangle them all into one safe spot—

“Elain—”

My sister looked at me with wide eyes, Cassian now absent from where he’d been standing beside her moments before. She held her hands out helplessly, “He ran off.”

This was turning into an absolute nightmare.

* * *

“Got him!” I heard Elain call from one of the bedrooms on the second floor as she came around the corner holding up a thrashing Cassian who had somehow managed to cover himself in some unknown, sticky substance.

My eyes widened as I took in his newly acquired bangs, courtesy of Mor, sticking out in all directions.

Squealing, he thrashed against my sisters hold, demanding he be put down that instant, his dwindling toddler patience flagging. Somehow, with the tranquility of a saint, Elain kept her grip and quickly descended the stairs, hushing him gently.

Elain was certainly faring better than I was. I still trying and failing to locate my mate who’d disappeared off to Mother knew where while I’d tracked down the missing Mor, who was now covered in confectioner’s sugar and happily playing with a shoe on the couch, accompanied by a quiet, tiny Azriel who simply watched everything with wide eyes.

My sister had found the shadowsinger napping peacefully, buried in the back of her wardrobe beneath a pile of dresses. When she’d inquired what he was doing he’d simply murmured, “not loud” and immediately crawled into her arms.

At least _he_ was behaving himself, I considered, watching Mor with incredulity as she talked to the shoe like a doll, offering it a piece of apple I’d sliced for her.

Fortunately, I’d managed to track down Nuala and Cerridwen who were now off purchasing sets of clothes for them, having been in the market picking up last minute ingredients when the spell had backfired. I’d managed to dress them all in oversized shirts turned into passable outfits with a little knotwork. It wasn’t a permanent solution, but it would work for the time being.

Elain had just stepped onto the landing and was cooing to the still screaming Cassian when the front door opened.

I turned, a word of gratitude on my lips for the wraith twins when I realized they were not the ones that had entered the house. Nesta’s steely grey eyes only widened a fraction as she saw Elain wrestling Cassian and Mor and Azriel sitting on the couch. She flicked her attention to me, a single brow raising.

“One of Amren’s spells backfired,” I explained breathlessly, feeling my nerves begin to fray as Mor yelled at Azriel for being too close to her and jerked her shoe away. “We’ve been trying to wrangle them while she looks for a way to reverse it.”

Amren had disappeared immediately after my sister’s and I’s intervention, hissing and snarling about the damned noise of children and her new, tinier body. If I wasn’t certain I was imagining it I would have ventured to say she was being more moody than usual.

I also wasn’t above being thankful that’d she’d returned upstairs to work, slamming the door a little too loudly when she’d left us.

Nesta blinked once, then twice, the most surprise she’d ever shown, as she watched Cassian escape Elain’s grasp and immediately beeline for her, crashing harmlessly into her legs. Something like horror took over her features as he looked up at her and grinned.

“Good, he likes you,” I muttered, turning my attention back to the stairs, intent on hunting down Rhys before he found himself skewered by a pissy Amren. “Take him. Elain, watch Azriel and Mor, I’ve got to find Rhys.”

“No,” Nesta hissed, her voice harsh as she looked in bewilderment down at Cassian who was drooling on the knee of her pants, “I will not—”

Cassian stopped suddenly and went rigid before he looked up at Nesta and gave her a second grin, reaching from ear to ear. 

“I poop.”

I was already jogging up the stairs, Nesta’s cry of outrage echoing behind me.

* * *

Rhys had somehow managed to wedge himself beneath Mor’s bed, his toes sticking out from the bottom, when I finally found him. Kneeling, I wrapped a hand around his ankle and gently pulled him free, eliciting a giggle as he slid out.

“Again!” he cried, clutching a stack of papers to his chest, his little feet flailing. 

Curious to what he’d been doing, I pulled the papers from him and immediately felt a blush race up my cheeks. “ _Rhysand!_ ”

They were beautifully rendered pictures of naked females, all with flowing hair and beautiful bodies, entirely inappropriate for my now-toddler mate. Not that I was the least bit surprised he’d somehow discovered them.

And of course, he’d found them under Mor’s bed to boot.

How he knew they were there I didn’t even want to know.

“Pretty lady,” he said with an eyebrow wiggle as he pointed at the page in my hand, a lovely buxom redhead. He made a kissy face at me. “You’re better.”  
  
Well, at least it was a relief knowing my mate preferred me even in his current state. I hoisted him up and couldn’t help but smile when he buried his head in my shoulder once more, his little arms wrapping around my neck.

There was something endearing about his childlike affection, the genuine gesture making my heart swell. The moment came to a screeching halt when I heard a crash and loud cursing from Nesta downstairs, along with a small yelp from Elain.

“Is everything okay?” I called from the doorway, Rhys still tucked into my arms as I watched the once again naked Cassian fly up the stairs, his wings scattering water all over the walls, Nesta barreling behind him. My sister dove for the now airborne toddler and soundly missed him as he dove off to the right and she hit the stairs with a thud.  
  
She snarled more viciously than a wildcat. I cringed as she locked her stony gaze on me, agitation marring her every feature.

I was about to offer her Rhys and to go catch Cassian myself when Elain’s voice piped up sheepishly from the bottom of the stairs where she’d been watching Nesta’s pursuit. 

“Feyre? . . . They found your new paints.”

* * *

It took us several hours to scrub the paint off the furniture and Mor and Azriel’s faces, the latter who’d looked absolutely horrified when Elain had found him cornered by the former, giggling as she made squiggles with yellow paint down his cheeks.

He’d refused to be put down after, glaring from behind my sister’s curtain of curls every time someone looked at him.

Nesta had finally caught Cassian after he’d landed atop a wardrobe to taunt her and she’d knocked him off with a broom. I’d considered mentioning that her methods seemed a bit . . . harsh, but decided against it as she stomped past me, Cassian sulking in her arms, a goose egg on his brow.

We’d finally managed to corral them all about the time Nuala and Cerridwen had returned, the wraiths blessedly taking over and dressing them. I’d collapsed in a heap on the floor, my face buried into the plush carpet.

The solstice gift I’d offered Rhys came to mind, the promise of the blue-eyed boy who looked so much like my mate. I looked at my miniaturized court, all piled atop one another and finally sleeping soundly.

Perhaps I would start taking the contraceptive tonic again, for just a few more years of peace.

Elain shifted next to me, equally as exhausted. “I never knew children could be so rambunctious.” She toyed with a tassel on one of the pillows, her eyes skating over the array of toddlers. “I don’t think Nesta’s ever going to speak to Cassian again after what he . . . did.”

I tried not to dwell too much on what exactly my sisters turned-child mate had smeared across the front of her dress when he’d initially fled her, cackling like the greatest of fiends. Nesta had disappeared as soon as Nuala had scooped the Illyrian boy from her arms.

“They’ll figure it out.” I grumbled, frankly not caring who spoke to who as long as they were all returned to their proper age. Amren worked quietly as she arranged symbols on the coffee table, her shoulders tense.

She _was_ moodier than usual, having nearly bitten my head off when I’d gone to inquire about reversing the spell.

“There, its finished,” she snipped, rising as she looked over her handiwork, an array of inverted symbols and a large crystal ball tucked safely in the center. “All you need to do is direct the spellcleaver power through the crystal and the spell should unravel itself.”

I pushed myself up from the carpet, eager to have this resolved. Spooling deep into my power, I wrangled up the drop of Day I’d been gifted before throwing it forward into the ball and watching the light splice into numerous directions before swathing the room in a blinding white light.

It slowly retracted itself, revealing my family returned to their normal forms.

“The clothes tore when they changed back!” Elain squeaked, throwing her hands over her eyes as she caught sight of the pile of bodies on the couch, the bulk of the three Illyrian males spilling off the side, wings askew in all directions. “They’re naked again.”

Indeed, the set of clothes Nuala and Cerridwen had dressed them in had immediately ripped off their bodies when the spell had ended. We’d have been better off leaving them in the oversized shirts.

“Finally,” I heard Amren mutter, her voice returned to its usual timbre, her clothes fitting her body correctly now. She cut a glare toward the rest of our court. “Imbeciles.”

Well, maybe she hadn’t been acting any different after all.

Mor was the first to rouse, stretching her arms high above her head as she let out a yawn and peeked an eye open before bursting into nervous laughter.

“Why are you all naked?” She looked down at herself, brows raising to her hairline. “Why am _I_ naked? Did we have an orgy?” She attempted to pull herself from the pile but found her legs caught underneath Cassian’s bulk. She kicked him none to gently in the face, immediately rousing him and freeing herself.

“Mother’s tits, Mor, what was that for?” The general rubbed at his face, groaning. “And put on some clothes—” he stopped and grabbed for his forehead, horror washing over his features. “What happened to my hair?! And that smell—” His nose wrinkled. “Did someone shit in the house?”

I didn’t even bother to explain that he was the one who’d left that delightful stench, everywhere.

Amren had no such reservations.

“You shit on the carpet like the animal you are,” she growled, eyes narrowing as Rhys and Azriel both came to at her raised voice. “If you fools hadn’t broken the spell barrier none of this would have ever happened—”

“What do you mean _I_ shit on the floor? And what did _YOU_ do to my hair?! I swear--"

Upon noting his nudity, Azriel awkwardly made eye contact with Elain before flushing up to his ears and immediately disappearing into shadow. Rhys merely righted himself on the couch, looking somewhere between confusion and hysterics as he took in Cassian’s haircut.

His gaze cut across to me. _What happened?_

I only offered him a bemused smile as Cassian and Amren’s argument grew into a crescendo, Mor’s laugh trilling above them.

Before he could ask further, I opened my memory up for him, letting him see the chaos that had ensued. He blinked in surprise before holding a single hand up.

“On second thought, I don’t want to know.” Rhys rose from the couch, immediately snapping himself back into clothes as Cassian snarled at Amren while hiding his bits behind a throw pillow. Elain had disappeared.

My mate walked up to me, the bond going taut between us as relief cascaded through me.

_Is this a “no” on having a child then?_

_Yes._


End file.
